Life Sucks

Sasha looks at me trustingly.  Her big brown eyes dull.  Her tail gave a half-hearted thump.  My heart catches in my throat.  I sit down next to her.  Cradling her head in my lap, tears silently stream down my face.

I know I should end her pain and suffering.  I owe her that much after 14 faithful years.

Cascades of pictures fill my mind.  I rub her ears, hug her head into my lap.  I remember her mournfully crying for her mum when she first arrived.  How I wrapped her in a baby blanket with an old alarm clock to try and comfort her.  The first weeks of house training her.  Her antics when she grew too big to sit on my lap and would plop her backside next to mine on the couch.  How she used to growl at any unknown person who came near me or the girls.

I hear Joe’s van in the driveway.  I realize there is no running away from this.  “How could you make me do this, it’s breaking my heart.  I don’t want to.  I want to run on the beach with you chasing seagulls like we used to.  I want you with me forever.”

Joe touches my arm.  “I brought my staff.  We will first anesthetize her.”  I cannot hold back anymore.  I howl my misery into Joe’s shoulder whilst his staff got busy with Sasha.  My grief was tearing me apart.

I know it is better this way.  Before the girls get home.

Your paw prints forever on my heart…..